Through the Looking Glass

It’s been 789 days. 789 days since I’ve been locked in here.

I was only 15 years old when they took me. Mom was sitting, as always, on the sofa with her black iPad. She never played with me or read me stories when I was a kid. She would always leave me in my room or throw a stuffed doll at me to keep me company when she left for “work” during the night. My dad was probably in his study, typing away on his built-in computer. Secretly, he had a stash of hidden alcohol that he would drink once he thought we were all asleep, but we grew to know that he drank often, for he got worked up and red to the face in the morning. Now that our world has evolved, computers are built-into the walls, and keyboards are built-into the surfaces of marble working tables.

Everything works with a click of a button; press the green button to flip the surface and have your computer out, press the red one to bring back a flat surface. The blue button transforms the wall into a shelf full of books and binders that you previously stored there. It is impossible to be untidy.

I have a little baby sister, maybe about 6 or 7 years old before I was taken, but I was taken away before I got to know her. All I remember about her is that she has bright sea, blue eyes. They’re so big, full of wonder and amazement. I feel sorry to this day that she had to be born in an antiseptic world like this.

Our world was the aftermath of annihilation. Scientists had discovered, thousands of years ago, that an asteroid as big as the Sun would strike Earth in a matter of a few hundred years. At first, nobody believed them, and people carried on with their daily lives. However, as centuries passed, they figured out that what was said had been true. The asteroid was unlike any asteroid ever seen: it was ginormous in size, composed of rocks never discovered, and was falling at a scarily fast pace towards Earth. The governments then began to unite under one government, now known as the League of Leaders. They forced the most intelligent people in the world to figure out way to stop this asteroid from wiping out all of humanity. The League began to choose jobs for people, carefully searching for possible prodigies and forcing them into science and technology.

Eventually, the League became obsessive towards safety. Cameras were installed in every home, and every conversation was recorded and analyzed. Although the scientists successfully altered the pattern of the asteroid’s fall by building large robots and sending them into space, they knew that they couldn’t afford another threat as big as that, and declared that all crime was to be abolished. Criminals were caught before the crime could be done, and any suspicious citizens would be “taken care of”. To top it all off, the Convo-Screen was built. It was the world’s only government funded communication system. All of society and its citizens were expected to use the Convo-Screen to communicate with others through webcam.

            The Convo-Screen was experimented with at first. Nobody knew how to use it, nor did they know if whom they were talking to was the actual person and not just some government official. Be that as it may, years passed by, and the Convo-Screen became cemented into society. But it wasn’t that great of an invention, if you ask me. I would talk to old friends and even lovers, but it just wasn’t the same. Emotion was lacking, and the warmth of human contact vanished. It was suffocating, and although air surrounded me, I couldn’t breathe. I remember longing to touch somebody, just for the sake of doing so, longing to hear a real voice and spend unsupervised time with something other than a screen. But people were too scared of catching the government’s attention. Talking to even loved ones felt like I was talking to a wall. I felt as if I was on a deserted island, hearing my own echo and fostering emotions, but with the knowledge that nobody would return the sentiment.

People still bustle about outside, going to work or taking the bus, but they’re always talking to their phone screen. I stood out in the cold for a whole day, desperately glancing around for somebody to look me in the eyes and spark up a real, heartfelt conversation with me, but nobody did. I was pushed around until I ended up on the floor, drenched in the rain with thunder booming overhead and shiny shoes briskly walking past me. Even my parents talked with me through a screen, and we never left our rooms for anything.

One day, I smashed it. I called the government and when the face of their secretary appeared, I looked the old lady with the cat glasses, wrinkly skin and an all-too-well known uniform on straight in the eyes, and I punched the screen. I punched and kicked with every ounce of anger and suffocation that had been repressed inside of me, screaming and yelling until no more sounds escaped my mouth. It was the first time that I felt refreshed, felt as if I could go on. My body felt as light as a feather for once . . . until they came for me. No less than a minute later, officials were breaking through our windows and doors, trashing everything in their sight until they found me, hair tangled and chest heaving up and down with a crazy smile plastered onto my face. They shoved me inside their car, not even slowing to explain to my parents what I had done, as if they would care.  That was the last time that I ever saw my family ever again.

After all of that chaos, I winded up in an unfamiliar room. There is only a single stark white wall, and the rest of the room was glass. It was a room that I had never seen before, but I came to realize that I was in the League Mental Health Center. How I ended up in here, I don’t remember. All I have inside this room is a tube, which they feed me tasteless mush and water, with a chain locked onto my ankle. There are no doors, no chairs, and no beds. I lie on the ground every night with no blanket and no pillow, just my own body heat to keep me alive.

…

When I first arrived, there was a monotone voice that shook the walls. Hello Miss Kadyn. Welcome to the League Mental Health Center. This is where we take care of our troubled citizens and foster them with love and care until they are strong enough to venture into the real world. You broke a key law in our society: One must not commit any harm or damage to any government owned property, or will be dealt with in captivity. I’m aware that you knew of this?

            Startled, I failed to reply. But the voice seemed to be waiting for me to say something. I managed to blurt out: “Who are you? Why does my room have no doors? How long are you going to keep me in here for?!”

Your room is doorless because you are far too dangerous to be let out now. You should be grateful that we managed to stop the news reports from getting a hold of your story, otherwise that would’ve meant a lot of questions for your parents, and disgrace on your family. This is one of our new rooms, the Self Room. From now on, we will only be providing you food. How you live, survive, and get cured is unknown.

“How did you even build this room if you don’t know how I’m supposed to live in it?!”

Well, it wouldn’t hurt to tell you, for you probably won’t be getting out of here anyways. The League discovered the journal of the great scientists Dr. Hessenfah, the one who built the robots that saved the planet. In his diary, there was a faint sketch of a room just like this one, so we built it, but never used it until we met you and your special case. There was a sudden crackling noise. We hope you enjoy your stay at the League Mental Health Center, and we wish you a speedy recovery. Goodbye, Miss Kadyn.

“Wait, wait! Please, you can’t leave me in here! I promise to never do anything like this again, and I’ll obey all of the rules. I swear that I’ll never cause any trouble. Please, please let me out! You can’t leave me in here like this! Please!” I ran to where the voice sounded the loudest, but before I was able to reach it, I found myself flat against the floor, the blood rushing to my head. The chain wrapped around my ankle wasn’t long enough to reach any side of the room. I could only walk five steps before it reached its limit. I cried myself to sleep at night, realizing that I was really stuck here, in an unknown room, with no idea how to get out. Worst of all, nobody knew where I was.

…

It’s been 789 days since I’ve been sent here.  I tried to holler for help, waving at the people who would pass by me on the street, but nobody turned to see me. I screamed with tears streaming down my face for days, begging for anybody to turn and look at me, for anybody to help me. The monotone voice never came back again. I would run as fast as I could, but I would always end up on the floor, the chain sharply putting me back into my place. Nobody even glanced up from their screens to see a hysteric girl right in front of them.

I observed as the seasons went by. I would watch the leaves grow a vibrant green in the spring, with pink flowers blooming on every branch. Some plants would turn dry and wrinkle up in the sweltering heat. I would stare as the leaves would slowly fade into a tangerine orange, a pale yellow, or a blood red. Some could withstand the strength of the wind whipping by, but many got plucked and fluttered to the floor, getting crumpled and brown as people stepped on them. All the leaves would then shrivel up until they were paper thin, leaving their trees bare until spring returned again, and the cycle would then repeat itself.

There was only one time when somebody had finally made contact with me. It was someone who had bumped into my glass window. I remember my shoulders jumped up, my body naturally crouching into a ball. Through the glass, there was a woman, an old woman. She looked like she was looking through the glass. I squinted, my heart felt like it was going to burst and my chest started to heave up and down. Somebody’s looking for me, somebody may actually be able to see me! I frantically, rushed to the window, but not having used my legs for so long, they wobbled and fell beneath me. That didn’t stop me from doing all that I could to have her see me.

“Over here! Ms. I’m over here! Please help me, let me out, please!” But she started to walk away, confusion filling her eyes when they failed to find what they were looking for. “No! Come back, please, I’m over here!! You’re my only chance Miss, please come back! Don’t leave me here all alone. I’ve been here for so long!” However, her face slowly vanished within the crowd, the spark of light that spilt through my dull, grey world disappearing with her. After my encounter with the old woman I tried again and again for anybody to acknowledge me, to look at me, to even glare at me.

Please look at me, please somebody, anybody, talk to me, bump into my window. I’m begging you with all that I have, please don’t leave me here…

My attempts were futile: not one person glanced at me. It was then that I realized that nobody was coming to save me. Nobody ever will. You’re stuck in here you idiot, stop wasting your energy trying to get somebody to see you and save it, my mind shouted.

I eventually grew tired of trying to get anybody’s attention. My days were all the same: wake up with a sore back, shove mushy crap into my mouth, drink water, lean against my tube, watch the lives of others move on before me. With no paper or pencils, I resulted in scratching the floor every day with the fork provided with my food. All day, I would just scratch the floor, praying that I’d eventually create a hole and escape, but it was endless.

Surely, death would be less painful than this. My hands found their way around the bulky, metallic chain, squeezing it so tightly that my knuckles began to turn white. If I wrapped this around my neck, then my misery would end. I could imagine the cool metal slowly tightening around my thin neck, imprinting the simple pattern onto my skin. The thick chain would easily be able to cut it off, right? Or at least stop my circulation. Maybe then, somebody would finally see me . . . but it’d be too late. Nobody drew close to my glass window, making the distant people even farther out of my reach.

790. It’s been 790 days since I’ve been locked up in here. The mush served was saltier than it had ever been, and the amount of water in the cup seemed less. I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my back, finding that I had fallen asleep on my chain. Setting it aside, I grab the fork and shuffle to the left of my tube. There, I find my last scratch and start to dig another one beside it. My arms ache with every press, and my fingers cramping. I soon fall onto my elbows, all the strength in my arms giving away. Pushing myself up is useless, for I'll only fall again. I can’t even find enough strength to pick up my fork everyday, how am I going to manage anything else? I slowly push myself to face the window, using my tube for extra strength to turn around. I watch the same people walk by, talking with their phone screens. The cool, marble floor presses against my cheek, forcing me to stay awake and watch others obliviously pass by. The woman to the left always wears a green trench coat with red lipstick, a tall man always passing by behind her, wearing a long, black coat with the collars up, covering his face from the public. It's the same routine, with the same people, doing the same things over and over again. Is this how people’s lives are lived? They just repeat the same things every day, wasting away their life, and for what? A puff of air came out from my nose. Who am I to judge, I’ve been lying here on the floor and eating the same unknown food for more than a year.

Countless heads walk by, down the rainy street that was lit a dim yellow. Umbrellas of various heights bob by, hiding my view of the people sheltered beneath them. It must be windy outside, for it looked as if the umbrellas are guiding its owners every which direction. I watch the heels of shoes hit the floor and rise again, imagining the click that each heel would make. My eyes lazily scan left to right, watching raindrops create little waves in the puddles and I tilt my head to look to the sky, but it is shielded by towering glass buildings that harbour thousands of people looking on thousands of screens for who knows how long. The sky is already out of my reach, but now I can’t even see it.

Following the pattern of people’s footsteps slowly lulls me to sleep, for all I remember is a pair of yellow rain boots as bright as the sun entering my vision, and then disappearing into the blackness.

A glare of bright white light greets me as I squint my eyes open. No it isn’t the light that woke me up, it’s something different. I feel . . . uncomfortable. I roll onto my stomach to free my back from the piercing chain, but I find nothing beneath me. Dazed, I prop myself up. Searching around the empty room, I find nothing unusual or out of place: there’s still no door, the lights are still on, and my tube remains empty. I pull on my chain and it stops after three tugs, as usual. Nothing’s wrong, but I feel as if a laser is being aimed at my head. It feels as if I’m a bacteria sample under a microscope. I feel a billion eyes on me, but as I peer outside, everybody is continuing to go on their merry way. I must’ve had a bad dream, I tell myself, and prepare to curl back to sleep until I hear a faint knocking sound.

It’s just a bird Kadyn, go back to sleep, whispers my mind. Knock knock knock. I cover my ears and squeeze my eyes shut. It’s just the rain Kadyn, go back to sleep, my mind states. But the knocking persists. I groggily force my limbs to support my frail upper body and look at the far corner of the window with half-lidded eyes. Expecting to find nothing, my eyes shoot open, as wide as saucers. Instead of finding raindrops hitting against the pane of glass, a pair of bright blue eyes meet mine.

It’s a girl, with blonde hair as bright as the sun sitting on top of her small, fair hair next to a pole that’s about 20 long strides away from me. To match her hair is a pair of yellow rain boots. In her hands is a pile of tiny rocks. I shake my head, it’s just a dream, and nobody is there. I slowly peer one eye open and find her just like I had seconds before. It’s just a stranger Kadyn, what can she do to help you? Yeah, it’s not like she’ll break down this glass for you and send you free. She’s just like the old woman who came by months ago, just go back to sleep. You’ll be stuck in here forever. My mind is right, nobody had looked at me before and when few have, they failed to see me. What can this girl going to do?

The girl tilts her head, continuing to stare at me. Can she actually see me? My heart begins to flutter with hope, but it dies as my mind retorts: You must have lost it, Kadyn. It’s been 790 days since you’ve been locked in here. Your family hasn’t come to find you, people can’t even see you, and you think that this stranger will be able to see you and what you’ve become? You’re delusional. My heart stops fluttering and begins to fall down to the pit of my stomach. My eyes fall to my ankle, the chain still locked tightly around it. I run my fingers around the smooth rim, feeling the cold metal slowly freeze my fingertips. I scoff, there isn’t even a hole for a key.

Realizing my current situation, I come back to my senses. Ssshhffff. I look behind me and notice that my daily serving of mush had arrived. I turn my back against the wall and I reach for my plate, my eyes wandering one last time to see if the girl is still there, but there isn’t a hint of yellow amidst the sea of black.

The next morning, while I’m eating my food, I hear another thump against the window. I shift my gaze towards the window to find the girl, yet again, with the same yellow boots, but inched a bit closer. I must look like quite the spectacle, she must find it entertaining to watch a haggard girl trapped in an empty room. I shift my eyes back to the floor and move as far from the window as I can. She can stand there and wait all she wants, but I’m not going to be some toy to be played with. After finishing my food, I stretch what I can and begin to form another scratch, making sure to hide behind the tall, wide tube. Days passed by, and the stranger continues to inch closer, and closer. She’s always too far, so I can’t make out her face, but her bright yellow boots are what always tells me that it’s her. Isn’t it a bore, coming here to watch me sleep and eat? If she wants to rouse something out of me, she should’ve came a long time ago when I still had hope that somebody would help me.

I always ignored her and continued to sleep and hide everyday until she came close enough for me to see. Her eyes are still bright blue, and her hair is still blonde, framing her pale face. But expecting to see a glint of mischievousness and entertainment in her eyes, I'm surprised to see sadness. Her blue eyes portray such sadness and pity, that I suddenly know that that was what she must've felt on the very first day. It wasn’t an uncomfortable stare that I had felt; it was a look of warmth and pity. Seeing such sympathy from a stranger feels foreign, and I don’t know what to do. I continue to analyze every part of this stranger, until she lifts her hand for the second time and waves hello. My fingers twitch, itching to wave back, but I can only bring myself to nod my head and hide behind my knees.

She continued to see me everyday, and everyday she came closer. She waves when she arrives and before she leaves. She always brings something different with her. She brought a flower hairpin, showing how to clip it on. She brought a large book full of pencil lines, pointing that it was hers. She even faced her back to me and let me see her draw the sky without any buildings towering overhead. It was a magnificent sight, to see such a world be drawn from a human hand. The strangest things have started to happen ever since she arrived. Since the day I began to wave back and display my own curiosity, I’ve noticed my chain growing longer and thinner. I could walk to the end of the room now without the chain tugging me back. I could walk in circles around the whole tube and still have length left to practice jumping and running.

As she would pack up her things to leave, my heart would hurt more and more each day. Although I’ve been alone for more than a year, seeing the only person who could see me leave, made me feel even lonelier than before.

Hello again. You seem to be looking better. Are you okay? She writes on a piece of paper. I wave and nod yes. Yes I’m okay now that you’re here.

That’s wonderful! I’m so glad to see that you’re feeling better nowadays. It’s been so long, she scribbles. Feeling confused, I tilt my head. It’s only been a day since she had last visited me…

Dear Kadyn, I’ve been searching for you for so long. Can you not recognize me? Trying to decipher what she means, I shake my head no. You’re only a girl who stopped by and talked to me everyday. You showed me so much beauty and life encompassed in one body, I would’ve remembered you if I had met you before.

Kadyn, it’s me, Esperanza. I’m your little sister. Her face is streaming with hot tears as she shows me this note. As I look at her in shock, I can see her pink lips trembling, and her blue eyes fill with tears. Blue eyes….blue eyes…

…

“No mommy, don’t let them take her away! Kaddie, Kaddie don’t go!” Esperanza was thrashing in mom’s arms. “Fight back Kaddie, fight back! Don’t let them take you away! How could you just let them take her away mom!”, screeched Esperanza in the distance. I could faintly hear my mother scolding my sister as I was driven away from my only sibling. I scrolled down the window, despite the officer’s protest, and yelled: “Don’t worry Essie, I’ll find a way back. I promise!”

…

Essie, it’s Essie. It’s little, bright blue-eyed Essie. It’s my little sister whom I thought I would never see again. Before I know it, I run to the window and put my palms against the cold surface, finally looking at her and recognizing who she really is. “Essie”, I murmur. “Essie, it’s really you!” I feel hot tears spill down my cheeks. Esperanza lifts her hands on the other side of the glass to mirror mine. Though her face is drenched in tears, she manages to put a smile on her face and let out a puff of relief. Our tears continue to pour, but the glass that I had felt before suddenly vanishes, and is replaced with a warm hand. I’m embraced into a warm hug, my lonely body crying out for joy now that I can finally feel human touch.

            Still in an embrace, Esperanza lifts her head and squeals with joy.

“Kaddie, look. The glass, your chain, it’s all gone.”

In disbelief, I wave my hands through where the glass used to be and feel only air rushing upwards. I look down at my feet and find that not even a single trace of metal remains.

“It’s gone”, I murmur. “Essie, it’s finally gone, I’m free!”

Congratulations, Miss Kadyn. An all too familiar crackle sounds, and a monotone voice echoes throughout the open room. You seem to have been cured with the help of your sister.

“But how?” Esperanza questions. How this all came to be is uncertain. Be that as it may, one thing is for certain. Miss Kadyn?

“Y-yes?” I stutter, afraid to hear that this is all a dream and that officers will come by and escort me to another room. We hope to never hear of your name pop up in our files again. You’ve been given a second chance to live, so don’t ruin it. This will hopefully be the end of our communication together. With a soft smile forming on my lips, I manage a “Thank you, and I promise that we’ll never hear of each other in the future” before another crackling noise sounds, followed by dead silence.

“Come on Kaddie, let’s go. I’ll fill you in on everything you missed. We’ll be able to create new memories together and start your new life.” Esperanza gleefully says. She tugs my arm and pulls me down the street. As she goes on about all the things we have to do together, I glance up to sky and see that there are no longer grey, gloomy clouds. A bright blue sky is overhead, with birds soaring beneath a bright, yellow sun. My eyes shift to the people who are still walking down the street with their eyes down to their screens. I can only faintly smile, you guys have no idea what you’re truly missing out on. Esperanza links her arms with mine and flashes a smile that can outshine the sun. I find myself squeezing her arms just as hard.

It’s in this moment in my life that I realize something important. Although I had been ignored, pushed, and hurt by other people, only another human being who’s willing to wait with their arms outstretched and palms open will be able to heal my wounds.